One of these works like magic… but which one?

People who face unemployment or layoff, don’t fit well with their position or colleagues, feel chronic dissatisfaction with their work, or who yearn for a new opportunity within their organization all have one thing in common: they need a new job. Of all my clients, job-seekers may win the prize for Most Pessimistic Comments:

“I’ve been looking for months.”

“No one is hiring.”

“It’s a $#!%-storm out there.”

A rough economy is like a slow day of fishing: most anglers are shut out, but somebody on the water is still catching fish. How do you become that “somebody?”

Success sometimes requires venturing out

Fisherman’s Tip #1: Pick the Right Spot

When I was 14, I tried fishing for wild brown trout on the Owens River near Bishop, California. These fish are smart, wary, and difficult to catch, which I learned after fishing the same spot for three hours with zero bites. Then, this guy named Randy came along who knew the river and told me that I needed to keep moving, because my spot either didn’t hold any trout, or if it did, they were alert to my presence or weren’t interested in my bait.

In career terms, the “right spot” amounts to industry and location. To snag a job, the industry you target has to provide opportunities, and if you’re not getting any nibbles, then you may need to look in a different spot where jobs are more abundant. For instance, the current market for architecture positions is abysmal, with a higher unemployment rate for college graduates than almost any other major—unless you’re willing to relocate to Asia, where the market is expanding. If relocating is not an option, then it might be time to target an industry with more opportunity. If I’m starving and can’t catch a wild trout, I need to consider going after catfish or carp (which are more abundant and less picky) until I have some food in my belly and can afford to be more selective.

Fisherman’s Tip #2:  Vary Your Presentation

Back on the Owens River, I kept moving around to test different spots, but still wasn’t getting any bites. I sought out Randy for advice, and he identified my problem: the cheese balls and salmon eggs that appeal to the stocked trout in lakes have no effect on wild trout, which only bite live crickets and certain artificial lures. Since I didn’t have any crickets, I started presenting every lure in my tackle box to the Owens wild trout, up and down the river.

To catch a prize, you need your A-game. This represents the opposite.

For career development, your presentation involves the sum total of your resume, networking, and interviewing activities. This is the point where most job seekers get out-competed, because they are casting cheese balls instead of live crickets. Presentation can always be enhanced or varied to catch the attention of recruiters and employers, usually with expanded person-to-person networking, a more relevant resume or LinkedIn profile, and improved interview preparation. One former client sent 650 resumes in two years without a single response, despite fishing in the right spot (she was seeking an advertising position in Southern California, for which she was sufficiently qualified). Clearly, her presentation was costing her opportunities, but when she got help to refine her approach, she eventually found a job.

Fisherman’s Tip #3: More Time on the Water

Five and a half hours into my day, I got my first bite. Although I failed to hook that crafty devil, I had discovered the lure/ presentation that appealed to my quarry. From that point, it was just a matter of time. I continued to test different spots with that magic lure, until I finally hooked and landed my first wild brown trout, partially falling in the river and nearly drowning in the process. At the end of the day, putting in almost seven hours of fishing, I walked back to camp with two trout on my stringer. I crossed paths with Randy again, expecting him to tease me for my sparse catch. Instead, he greeted me with admiration, admitting that he did not catch his first wild trout until his fifth trip to the Owens River. Considering the level of difficulty, I had become that “somebody” who’s catching when no one else can. Good thing I didn’t give up at the five hour mark.

Judging by her fishing ability, this young lady’s future looks bright

Like fishing, a career search is a numbers game, and you won’t often catch a job with the first resume or application you cast. If you want to be that “somebody” who hooks opportunities even when the market is tight, then you will need to invest more time and energy in the process than your competitors, scan various areas until you hit the right spot at the right time, and test different presentations until you find the winning formula that gets you noticed. Although you can’t control another person’s decision to hire you—just like you can’t “make” a fish bite—following these three tips will push the odds in your favor.

by Jason Sackett, LCSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

jsackett@usc.edu

Remind you of your boss? I hope not?

No matter how much you love your job activities, colleagues, or work setting, a bad experience with a boss can still make you want to quit. Most people look forward to a collaborative, respectful relationship with their supervisor, but even if it starts that way, nice bosses can leave without warning and make room for others that don’t mesh with you. If your job is high quality and worth keeping, but you and your supervisor are a poor fit, how can you protect yourself and sustain your morale?

Be Relevant, or Suffer

Rather than look for a magic countermeasure to neutralize all the ways a boss can hurt you, think about practicing relevance–learning what makes your supervisor tick, and delivering what he or she values. Never mind if what he values is completely off-base, or if all she cares about is exerting authority.

Only the right flavor will keep you safe

If you don’t throw your boss a bone, s/he will either bite you or chase you out of the yard. At that point, no amount of talent or idealism you bring to the organization will matter.

Chicken or Beef Flavored?

Supervisors have their own unique preferences, so you have to discover those and play to their tastes as precisely as possible. Throwing a generic or factory-processed bone won’t save you. To help you get started, here are some flavors bosses like:

• Doing what they want, and helping them clarify what they want if they don’t exactly know
• Outwardly showing that you respect their authority
• Helping them get credit, recognition, or a positive perception, especially from their supervisor
• Saving money or generating revenue, donations, enrollment, publicity, testimonials, etc.
• Providing a detailed account of your activities (a tasty morsel for micro-managers)
• Demonstrating enthusiasm and initiative for projects they consider important (even if you don’t)

Doesn’t look so tough now, does she?

The best part about throwing your boss a bone is that he has to lie down and take time to gnaw on it. In other words, he feels satisfied and stays out of your yard, giving you more freedom to pursue what’s really important (to you, anyway). Even if you work for a supervisor you respect, who has her priorities straight, makes good decisions, and maintains good relationships, you can still throw her a bone now and then to make life at work even better.

by Jason Sackett, LCSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

jsackett@usc.edu

Does it get any more depressing than this?

Waiting for my dinner order at T.G.I. Friday’s, I noticed the couple at the next table, both with noses buried in their Samsung Galaxies, and thought, what a depressing way to use a smartphone. Put them away and talk to each other. That got me thinking about better ways to use this technology—functions that would increase happiness instead of preempting conversations. Calling a friend or loved one for a warm chat came to mind first, but since people rarely use their phone for audible conversations these days, I needed to break new ground. Mental health apps like PTSD Coach, MyMoodTracker, and Let Panic Go caught my attention, but these do not address the typical user’s needs. Actually, several of your smartphone’s basic functions hold the keys to generating positive emotion.

Use the Notes Function to Keep a Compliment Log

Brightens the mood every time, guaranteed

Every smartphone has a Notes application—if yours doesn’t, then it’s not smart enough to help you, and it’s time for an upgrade. This app is all you need to document compliments—which generate more happiness than just about anything—and keep them handy for you to review anytime. Whenever someone pays you a compliment, no matter how simple, just start a new note, type the quote, and continue adding new compliments to that note as you receive them.  You can also copy and paste words of praise from emails, texts, and other publications. For instance, if some nice person were to write a favorable comment for this post, I would copy/ paste it to my own log. No matter how dated the compliments, reading that log will bring their mood enhancing power into the present, and will provide you far more happiness than checking your Facebook wall.

Savor Your Own Pictures

Even if your smartphone has a weak camera, it will either store photos or let you access the internet for a photo sharing site like Facebook, Flickr, or Instagram (if it won’t, FAIL! Time to upgrade). Once you have set up access, start uploading your best pics, prioritizing the ones that make you smile or feel warm and fuzzy. Images of pets, cute kids, significant others, beautiful places visited, or anything that reminds you of joyous or unique events can all produce significant happiness. Wherever we take our phones, our most inspiring memories (in the form of photos) hitch a ride, so we might as well make it a habit to soak them up.

Reduce Stress with a Breathing Pacer

Although I’m not yet sold on mental health apps, I’m a big proponent of reducing stress with relaxation breathing, of which the health benefits are unequivocal. Using a breathing pacer can help make this practice more effective, and I used to rely on this web-based version, but recently discovered Breathe2Relax for the smartphone. This free app delivers an adjustable breathing pacer, pleasant (but optional) images and background music, and performance tracking. It is available for both iPhone and Android.

Listen to Relaxation Audio Files

For additional stress reduction, your smartphone can deliver you guided imagery, mindfulness, and more advanced breathing exercises with .mp3 (audio) files, just like you would play music. You can purchase and download files from CD’s, iTunes, or Amazon.com, but you are welcome to sample some free, high quality relaxation audio files right here (just scroll for links to the exercises).

Avoid Repeated Checking

To maximize positive emotion with a smartphone, we must also steer clear of practices that increase stress and compromise happiness (like reading messages while on a date). A common problem is notifications, which insidiously build stress and drain energy. Initially, we appreciate the audible or vibrating reminders for each email, text, or calendar item, because we believe they keep us connected to important people and events. Ultimately, notifications become nothing more than interruptions, cutting into our conversations, tasks, and thoughts so often that our brains have to work twice as hard for half the output. I have observed clients check their buzzing phones for incoming texts 2-3 times in the middle of one sentence. Clearly, this undermines mental health and quality of life, as does any form of repeated checking of a smartphone, computer, or tablet.

Notifications = death by a million cuts

To avoid this habit, consider silencing notifications unless you are truly an emergency responder, or unless you are expecting an imminent, critical message. Let others know that you do not check emails and texts continuously, and to call or see you in person for important matters. Finally, checking messages at longer intervals—no more than once every two hours—will help you discard the unwanted messages in one fell swoop, rather than allowing them to disrupt and distract you (i.e. cut you) continuously throughout the day. This will also free your mind from thinking about messages during that interval, lowering your mental baggage, and increasing your happiness.

Sometimes, we just need to ditch the phone. If our ultimate goal is to boost mental health, we must realize that smartphones have a limited role. In the pursuit of more powerful sources of positive emotion—social support, sunlight, physical activity, art, giving, etc.—we may need to power off.

by Jason Sackett, LCSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

jsackett@usc.edu

Get your parents on your side

“Talking Grandma into handing over candy is like shooting fish in a barrel, and it doesn’t matter what Mom and Dad say.”

Monica, a single mother living with her parents, has been trying to limit the amount of time her son spends playing home video games. She fears that Jesse, 8, is becoming a gaming addict. Her strategy appears sensible: allow him to play for a set period of time, and only on weekends. Jesse appears to accept this plan, but typical of children his age, he tries to work around his mother and seek out others to get his needs met. He goes right for the weakest link: his grandparents.

Grandpa knows Monica’s rules, but when Jesse asks to play a game on a Monday night before Monica returns home, Grandpa allows him, and deliberately tries to conceal this from Monica. Even worse, Jesse is playing a brand new game that Grandma had secretly ordered! Imagine Monica’s fury when she discovers him playing later that evening. It only takes her a moment to figure out that her parents conspired to allow this.

No matter their rationale, grandparents have no real justification for undermining parental authority

Why do Grandma and Grandpa collude with Jesse? Consider some possibilities:

1. They do not consider the rule important.
2. They believe it is their right to ignore certain rules Monica sets, because she is their daughter and they have authority over her.
3. They believe they are more experienced caretakers and better able to determine what is best for Jesse.
4. They devalue Monica’s rule-setting ability and judgment because she is a single parent.
5. They own the home and believe they have the final say in all decisions within their territory.
6. They want to spoil their grandchild and are not concerned about the consequences for Jesse’s behavioral development or Monica’s feelings.
7. They are not skilled in setting limits and feel uncomfortable saying no to Jesse or aligning with Monica to enforce the rules.

“I know Muffin is not allowed on the couch, but who can say no to that face?”

Jesse’s splitting behavior–creating a division between his mother and grandparents to get his way–must be interrupted at an early age. If not, he may develop more manipulative and antisocial behaviors as he grows, and his relationship with his mother will be strained and uneven (she will progressively lose her parental authority). Besides, Monica will continue to feel angry and resentful toward her parents if their undermining continues. She has to take action–or move.

Teamwork is the key to successful parenting, no matter who is on the team

Monica tells her parents she feels angry that they helped Jesse break the rules, and worried that he will learn to be manipulative, never listen to her, and develop serious behavior problems. She also expresses how difficult it is to be a single parent, and that she is relying on their cooperation to raise Jesse right. Monica emphasizes that for this parenting teamwork to be effective, she must be the leader, and all decisions, especially exceptions to rules, must go through her. Despite feeling surprised by her take-charge attitude, her parents hear her concerns, develop new respect for her, and honor her parental authority.

Despite their superior experience, grandparents don’t always know what’s best.

Grandparents have a unique relationship with grandchildren. Ideally, they have the opportunity to express unconditional love without the complication of parental authority. If they live with their grandchildren or take an active role in their care and discipline, then their role must become more authoritative and less unconditional. However, as long as they align with the primary parent (s), respect their authority, and follow their rules, they will still have plenty of chances to pamper their grandchildren. My mother once sent my son a t-shirt that read, “That’s it! I’m calling Grandma!” Since Grandma has always been on my side, it never bothered me.

by Jason Sackett, LCSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

jsackett@usc.edu

His messages are so offensive, it’s impossible to tell how cute he is

Email has one grand purpose:  efficient communication, with a traceable written record as a bonus.  That’s it.  You write a message and send it.  You can address one person or millions. You can attach documents, files, pictures, and web links.  The process is totally efficient, and best of all, free—well, not always free. If used incorrectly, email can incur heavy costs in hurt feelings, damaged relationships, failed goals, and lost jobs.

Some people think of email as personal, informal communication. On the contrary, messages sent electronically usually come across as formal and official, much like memos written on paper.  Email is always one-way communication. Although recipients can respond to senders, no true dialogue occurs during exchanges. Furthermore, messages lack eye contact, posture, tone of voice, personality, and many other human qualities that add meaning to conversation.  Thus, email often does not convey the true sentiments of the sender, and frequently misrepresents a sender’s feelings, tone, and intentions. This can lead to people being perceived in a way that does not accurately represent them. Below is an example from Harry, an executive planning an awards banquet. He has already asked his managers to send him their list of award winners. Some have not responded, so he sends a follow-up email:

To All Managers,

I am trying to finalize our order for the award plaques.  Some of you still have not sent me your list of awardees. You know who you are. I need all lists no later than this Thursday.  IF I DO NOT RECEIVE THESE BY THURSDAY, YOUR WORKERS WON’T GET A PLAQUE.  Also, I shouldn’t have to tell you how annoying it is for people to have their names spelled wrong when receiving an award.  Let’s get this done already.  These are our best people, and I shouldn’t have to bug you about this.  –Harry

Probably not the best frame of mind for emailing

Although his frustration may be justified, the tone of Harry’s message makes him sound harsh. You would never guess that Harry is respectful and charming—in person.  Unfortunately, his email technique not only makes him seem abrasive, but may also undermine his goal of getting people to act.  His managers may feel so annoyed at his tone that they further delay responding.  Certainly, they are not inspired to cooperate. Following two email “golden rules,” Harry can motivate his staff to act without alienating them.

Email Golden Rule #1:  Write a short, clear, polite message without emotion.  People get tons of email, so short messages are always more effective.  In business, email is for information only, short and sweet, FYI.  It is not a forum for venting frustrations, story-telling, performance feedback, or in-depth training.  Humor often gets lost in email, too.  In person, Harry can get away with comments like “You know who you are” —his social skills reassure people that he means no disrespect—but it doesn’t work in email.  All-capital words (LIKE THIS) can also offend readers, who may perceive that the sender is yelling.

Email Golden Rule #2:  When emotions run high, avoid email.  Instead of sending his flame mail to all managers, Harry can call those who have not yet sent their lists. If phone calls are not practical (i.e. if most managers did not respond), then his best course is to vent his frustrations before composing, write an emotionally neutral message, strive to be polite, and have someone edit it for angry tone before sending.

A more effective message might read:

Dear Managers,

If you have not yet sent me your list of awardees (checked for accurate spelling of names), please do so by this Thursday.  I must have all lists before placing the order.  I appreciate your cooperation to help our best employees feel valued.

Regards,  Harry

This message clearly explains what the unresponsive managers need to do and why, and inspires cooperation in a strong but polite manner.  It also spares the managers who responded on time from any concern or burden.  If any are in danger of missing the deadline, he can call and confront them.

To further enhance the effectiveness of your email communication and avoid costly mistakes, consider the following tips:

1. Take great care to avoid emailing the wrong person. Imagine how disastrous it would be if sensitive business data was inadvertently sent to a competitor, or if co-workers exchanged critical emails about their boss, one of them hit “reply all,” and their boss (and everyone else in their office) saw the message. To minimize these risks, avoid “reply all” responses. You can also avoid forwarding messages.  It’s safer to copy a message, start a new one, and paste.  Finally, double-check the To:___ and Cc:___ fields to ensure you are sending the message to the intended recipient(s).

2. Proofread, proofread, proofread. Before sending emails, proofread the text carefully, and check for any attachments or links you have promised.  When reading over your message, pay special attention to your tone, and consider replacing any words or phrases that could possibly be interpreted as harsh, critical, judgmental, sarcastic, hostile, patronizing, etc. In addition, try to avoid tone that is too familiar or “chummy,” especially with supervisors or people in high positions. Finally, check carefully for language that could be perceived as flirtatious or sexually inappropriate, and edit out anything questionable.

3. Respect privacy. First, take care not to share others’ email addresses without permission.  If you send or forward a mass email, with others’ addresses in the To: ___ or Cc: ___ fields, you are compromising their privacy and risk alienating them.  If you have the slightest doubt about exposing addresses, put them in the blind carbon copy, or Bcc: ___ field.  Another breach of email etiquette is emailing people you don’t know, unless you can name someone they know that referred you to them.

4. Avoid sensitive information via email.  It is imperative to work with the mindset that email is not a secure form of communication. I assume anything I email could appear on the front page of the L.A. Times.  Messages can be hacked in cyberspace (or with a stolen password), peeked at over a shoulder, subpoenaed, intentionally leaked, or inadvertently sent, forwarded, or printed.  David Petraeus, former CIA Director, is perhaps the most recent example of how email can ruin a career, regardless of a person’s position or power.  Speaking of security, if you send to a group of addresses (e.g. the people in your office), make sure to remove the names and addresses of anyone who is no longer employed, so they do not continue to receive emails with information about your organization.

5. More talk, less email. Mix in more phone conversations and face-to-face meetings, so people remember your true personality.  Also, try to avoid discussions via email.  After two responses from each side, switch to a conversation in person.  Some companies mandate this rule.

6. Protect yourself. If someone you can’t ignore (co-worker, business associate, boss, ex-spouse) consistently sends you emotionally volatile emails, ask a trusted, neutral person to screen their messages and summarize the main points.  This allows you to receive and respond to essential information, without exposing yourself to negativity.

7. Personalize your messages. If you email a group of recipients to assign a task, people will tend to wait for others to respond, resulting in a non-response. Some people may also overlook, skim, or outright ignore messages that are not addressed directly to them. If you’re trying to accomplish something and want a response, then send email to individual recipients and include their name in a heading.

Final thought: Always be nice

If these guys can be nice to each other, then we have no excuse

Sometimes peers or colleagues joke about or criticize others via email.  Even if people take supreme care to send such messages to the proper address, can they guarantee that recipients will not accidentally forward the message to the wrong person, that wandering eyes will not peek at a screen, or that a computer wiz won’t hack into the message?  Heavy sarcasm, roasting, and gossip are precarious habits that eventually lead to hurt feelings and damaged relationships. These practices are even more dangerous in a work setting.  They can be fatal (to job status) in email.  There are safer, more effective options for expressing feelings.  However, if you feel compelled to blow off steam, for your own career survival, don’t do it via email.

by Jason Sackett, LCSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

jsackett@usc.edu

Buiding Trust Daily

Consistent, high-quality support from coworkers to support you in your job success is likely due to being regarded as someone that coworkers can trust.

Do you feel that the people around you at work are holding you back? Would you like to accomplish more, but realize that you can’t do it alone?Our suggestion? Focus upon the following essential relationship-building skills, and harness the power of collaboration for greater success.

Build Trust Daily

To build trust daily, find ways to demonstrate the Three “B”s of Trust Building in your daily interactions.

1. 

   Pollinate goodwill by using the Three Bees!

   Benign. First and foremost, be willing to signal to others that you are a safe person with whom to interact, and not a threat to their success or careers. Make heavy use of vocubulary that communicates shared partnership in the future… terms like “we,” “together,” “our.” For instance, listen for the trust-building and benign approach in the following statement… “Deirdre, let’s work together to find a solution that’s going to work for both of us.”

2. Beneficial. We demonstrate that we are beneficial by creating solutions that help advance the daily success of others. To be beneficial means that I can be advantageous for others, and that my efforts on your behalf result in good results or outcomes. This can be as simple [but powerful] as offering to help someone finish their tasks for a timely departure at the end of their shift. Another example would be the act of helping a coworker network with others in the organization to garner support or succeed with a promotion.
3. Benevolent. To provide benevolence is to practice a selfless focus upon the success of the other. Benevolence is an act of charity. In a practical sense, you can demonstrate benevolence by giving credit to others for the success of a project or workgroup; or promoting the strengths of a coworker to a third party; or offering constructive feedback to a peer when you sense that they could be heading towards a mistake. Any time that we can stand back and let others shine is an act of benevolence.

Trust has a short shelf life… repeat daily for best results

Bringing It All Together

Over the course of the three-entry blog series, we have reviewed the following:

• For most of us, we cannot succeed without the support and aid of our coworkers or team. To achieve your success, it helps to build collaboration through thoughtful, purposeful relationship building skills
• You cannot start building a collaborative relationship on the same day you need to solicit that help… your efforts at relationship building this week are to build a savings account for future withdrawals
• We further build relationships by nurturing others, that is, helping them grow and thrive. Nurturing skills in the workplace don’t come naturally to many people, so we have to keep a focus upon increasing those opportunities. Also, our brains don’t allow us to be fully nurturing when we are in problem-solving mode, so it helps to make the cognitive shift away from seeing people as problems.
• Finally, collaboration is inevitable when we work to build trust daily through use of the 3 “B”s

View the remaining blogs in this series

The first blog focuses on collaboration-building skills. Click here to view
The second blog explores skills that nurture work relationships. Click here to view

-Jeff Harris, MFT, CEAP
CWFL Program Manager at HSC

Nurturing is a key skill in collaboration building

Nurturing Your Future Helpers

Take a moment to reflect on your greatest accomplishments at work, and you’ll likely discover that your success was supported by the contributions of many other people who were working to help you succeed. Feeding and nurturing those work relationships now will pay off in dividends when you need it most. Another way of saying this is that you cannot expect to start building a relationship on the same day that you need to ask someone for help.

Do you feel that the people around you at work are holding you back? Would you like to accomplish more, but realize that you can’t do it alone?

Our suggestion? Focus upon the following essential relationship-building skills, and harness the power of collaboration for greater success.

Here’s a few interpersonal skills that nurture relationships at work:

• Empathy. When you are able to consider another person’s perspective or experience, you nurture that relationship. Empathy is as simple as considering how a person might react to your communication, or reflecting on their challenges as they cope with a crisis or problem.
• Compassion. John Gaspari of CWFL says that compassion occurs when we combine empathy with action. When you sense that someone could use assistance, build that relationship by showing compassion with some action that helps or nurtures your coworker.
• Encouragement. This is a lost art. According to Jer, writing on the blog Dumb Little Man, he states that “to encourage another person is to help him gain courage that he might not otherwise possess – to face the day, do what’s right, take risks, or make a difference.”
• Helpful. So often I am told by guests who visit CWFL that their burden was eased by a coworker coming up to them at the end of a shift and asking, “What can I do to help?”, with the intention of helping the employee get out the door and home to loved ones.

The people with whom you work reflect your own attitude.  If you are suspicious, unfriendly and condescending, you will find theses unlovely traits echoed all about you. But if you are on your best behavior, you will bring out the best in the persons with whom you are going to spend most of your working hours. – Beatrice Vincent

• Cooperative. There is charity and immense nurturing in the act of cooperation. Most all of the times that things have gone smoothly on a shared project or partnership involved organic cooperation, but because it was seamless and lacked drama, we might have misunderstood that as easy or guaranteed. Take time to appreciate (and offer recognition for) the act of cooperation offered by others daily, and strive to do the same for/with others.
• Cheer, optimism. I had the privilege of conducting a grief group this year for a department who lost a coworker suddenly. The universal and consistent appreciation expressed about her life was how she greeted everyone by name, smiled constantly, and tried to help lift others’ spirits. This seems to have occurred at the same time that she was coping as a single parent and some of her own health concerns. Her cheerfulness will now be a legacy for that work group to adopt and carry forward.
• Friendliness. Research on employee retention shows that job satisfaction skyrockets when an employee feels that their coworkers are friendly and welcoming. This includes providing the daily courtesies of greetings, a few moments to show interest in the life of others outside of work, and providing some playfulness and humor (when appropriate for the workplace).
• Courtesy. I’ve been in more than one group discussion where hard feelings started when someone ate food out of the refrigerator that didn’t belong to them, or not including a coworker in an invitation to lunch, or carrying on a loud conversation next to someone who is trying to focus upon their work. People generally are reluctant to offer help to others when they have been treated without courtesy.

Nurturing is not a Multi-Tasking Event

Brain studies have recently discovered an interesting fact: the brain structure that creates nurturing thoughts and actions will always be hijacked by the part of the brain used for problem-solving. This suggests that both cannot occur at the same time. When you intend to display or provide nurturing actions, make sure to give yourself permission not to have to “fix problems” during the conversation, so that you can maximize the nurturing brainpower.

View the remaining blogs in this series

The first blog explores collaboration-building skills. Click here to view
The third blog brings focus upon skills that build trust daily. Click here to view

-Jeff Harris, MFT CEAP
CWFL Program Manager at HSC

Why relationships at work matter

All workplaces are a social construct… that is, we understand as a species that when we can create shared focus from others, we can accomplish amazing things that are not possible with solitary effort. Look around you, at your School or hospital here at USC… could you provide world-class instruction and highly ranked healthcare in your garage at home?

So, if workplaces are a social construct (relying on people), then our best work is done through our relationships. Creating that focus or alignment with extraordinary effort from a multidisciplinary team requires cooperation and collaboration.

Do you feel that the people around you at work are holding you back? Would you like to accomplish more, but realize that you can’t do it alone?

Our suggestion? Focus upon the following essential relationship-building skills, and harness the power of collaboration for greater success.

Collaboration

So, what are the helpful and necessary interpersonal skills to create a collaborative effort on your team or in your department?

1. Practicing inclusion. Collaboration is enhanced when all team members feel that their input and opinions matter. Making others feel welcomed and acknowledged is a great skill for garnering cooperation. Embracing diversity of thought and diversity of culture on your team helps with creative solutions and identifying crippling blind spots.
2. Being non-judgmental. Practicing openness to ideas and suspending judgment of others will define you as an approachable and inviting teammate. This can be especially useful when you rely on others to help you with your own job success.
3. Contributing to conflict resolution. Bringing together any group of individuals inherently introduces competing needs and diversity of problem solving. When you can be viewed as a facilitator of resolving conflict, you will be sought out as a helpful and necessary contributor to projects and team efforts. Conflict resolution includes skills such as finding workable compromises, persistence towards finding a solution, and being a calming yet assertive presence in the problem-solving conversations.

View the remaining blogs in this series

The second blog explores skills that nurture work relationships. Click here to view
The third blog focuses upon skills that build trust daily. Click here to view

-Jeff Harris, MFT, CEAP
CWFL Program Manager at HSC

I… I think I forgot to breathe!

More and more research is surfacing regarding the benefits of mindfulness. Mindfulness is being present in the moment, fully aware without judgment. It allows you to be in the here and now with awareness of your mind and body.  Practicing mindfulness in the workplace can increase focus and productivity, improve work relationships, enhance well being, and reduce stress.  Mindful awareness begins with the most basic activities of our day, such as breathing, eating, and walking.  Sounds almost too simple, right?  It’s not like we forget how to breathe.  So what steps can we take to be more mindful and gain all those advantages?

Just STOP

The acronym STOP can develop more awareness of the body on a daily basis. This is how STOP works:

S:  STOP, take a pause and stop whatever you are doing in this moment.

T: Take a break. Reconnect with your body, with yourself.

Side note: Too often, our breathing is shallow.  Our lungs are capable of so much more than that. When taking a breath, make sure it’s a nice deep one that comes from your abdomen and fills up your lungs. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly and deeply. Three of these nice, deep breaths will assist in relaxing you and send a message to your body to reverse the release of adrenaline.

O: Observe what is happening in this moment. What do you notice? You can be aware of anything: your posture, bodily sensations, tension, heartbeat, or breathing.  You may observe your thoughts or emotions. What do you see? What do you hear?

P: Proceed.  Resume what you were doing before you came to a STOP.

There is no documented relationship between mindfulness and being flattened by a train; can’t say the same about multitasking

Mindfulness vs. Multitasking

In our last blog post, we described how multitasking spreads you too thin and doesn’t allow for the level of focus needed to complete a task with the attention it deserves.  Research suggests implementing mindfulness techniques can bring about positive changes in the workplace including better memory, greater concentration, and increased timeliness when working on one task at a time.

Here at the Center for Work and Family Life, we strive to practice what we preach. Recently, I took advantage of the STOP technique while at work. Okay, you got me: I was writing this blog and felt the pressure to finish it by the deadline.  As I was sitting at my desk typing feverishly to finish on time, I implemented the STOP technique. I stopped my typing and consciously took a deep breath. I noticed tightness in my chest.  I observed this tension, took a couple of more deep breaths to relax, eased the physical sensation, and then returned to the task at hand. I noticed immediately that I was more relaxed and my focus was much improved.  Using mindfulness, I was able to concentrate more easily and complete my project with plenty of time to spare.  What a difference a few seconds made. I improved my performance and reduced my stress in one fell swoop. Give it a try!

by Rachel Plasencia, MSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

rlplasen@usc.edu

I can’t really do this. All three balls will hit the ground in .85 seconds.

I can walk and chew gum at the same time. I can even cook pasta, meatballs, and marinara sauce simultaneously, while holding a baby in one arm and keeping him entertained. What I can’t actually do is multitask.

Our brains can’t really “perform” more than one task at a time. If the brain is activated for a specific duty, it can’t fully attend to a second one—it has to slow down for both. This doesn’t apply to mundane, combined activities like walking and chewing gum, both of which are relatively automatic and do not require concentration. When people talk multitasking, they’re not usually referring to automatic, thought-free functions like walking or eating. Rather, they claim to be able to perform multiple tasks requiring focus, like emailing while talking on the phone, driving while reading a map, or texting while attending to a meeting or lecture.

The latest research shows that people do not truly multitask, or perform multiple tasks requiring focus simultaneously. Instead, they attempt rapid switching between tasks. That’s what happens when I cook a complete spaghetti dinner. I may have pasta, meat, and sauce on the burners at the same time, but I’m not actually attending to all three at once. The process is more of a sequence, which follows like this: boil water, simmer sauce, fry meatballs, smile at baby in my left hand, add pasta to water, stir sauce, stir meatballs, make face at baby again, stir pasta (making sure not to splash baby with boiling water), etc. until everything is cooked.

Media multitasking

Thank goodness this never happens  around our campus

Media multitasking involves switching between monitors, phones, handheld devices, and live audiences. Again, someone who is attempting to talk on the phone and type on the computer simultaneously will not actually accomplish both, but will alternate attention between one task and the other, creating a sequence of phone conversation, email, phone , email, etc.

Despite the high value people tend to put on media multitasking, it’s really not something to brag about, because people who attempt this are actually less productive and create lower quality work. They also suffer more stress, become distractible, develop less reliable memory, lose track of thoughts and ideas, experience social consequences, and even lose I.Q. points. These negative outcomes do not improve with practice, either, but actually become more severe with repetition.

Let’s call multitasking what it really is

At best, it’s juggling, and not the Cirque du Soleil artistic variety, but the Santa Monica Promenade street performer version, i.e. please don’t catch that knife on the wrong end kind of juggling. At worst, this behavior is a conscious decision to allow constant interruptions, with predictable, negative consequences.

Imagine the alternative…

If we could just pass a law against ballooning and texting, we might put an end to these troublesome mid-air collisions

You’re working on a task, and you continue until it’s complete. You may have received several emails or texts during that time, but you continue uninterrupted, because you have turned off all tones and vibrations. You don’t worry about those incoming messages, because you are focused on the task in front of you and have committed yourself to completing it. Besides, you have already scheduled a block of time to check and return messages, and because you do this on a consistent basis, no one expects you to instantly respond to them. (Note: this may not apply if emergency response is part of your professional role).

Finally, you complete your task with a high level of quality, and feel satisfaction. After a minute to catch your breath and reboot yourself, you check your messages and emails, and spend little time discarding the 75% of them that are junk. When you reply to the meaningful ones, you give them your full attention, which the recipients notice and appreciate.

Isn’t this a better way to work?

by Jason Sackett, LCSW
Professional Staff at CWFL

jsackett@usc.edu